Well..it's been a while. As usual with my jouranl.
It's been tough. Tougher than I ever thought it would be. Even now, just when I think things have turned around, I still get turned upside down by life. And I keep trying to get back up.
Who knows?
I'm trying.
I really am.
This year has just been....weird. There have been fun things and not so fun things. My house is in limbo. I have no idea what to do...where to go....
I'm lost. Displaced. Out-of-sorts.

But, I'm gonna try to post fun things again.
So, we shall see.
I'm trying to get back to me.

Wish me luck!
:)

Reality is sometimes not your friend...
Especially when you are a naive little blonde girl!

OK. I had this weird idea. Right?
It's appropriate to the season.
I, with a help from my bestest friend in the whole, wide world, painted two pumpkins to set on my porch, as a memorial to my dear Midas.

What do you think?

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I wish I had better news, but...my angel has left me.
Midas was one of the greater things to ever happen to my life. He was the only dog I have ever met who was just as happy to treat life as one big adventure as I was. No matter what he did, he was always happy, except of course, when he had to stay home while 'Mommy' went to work.
I tried not to be sad. Midas wouldn't want me to be sad. But I am. I miss him so much. There is a hole in my heart. I can't even find the words to express how wonderful Midas was. I hope I do someday. I want to write a journal about his life and I want to fill it with pictures. His was a life worthy of a person's memorial.
In the end, the tumor in his lung was getting so big that it was like watching him suffocate a millimeter at a time. He died quietly at OSU on October 9. Letting him go was the hardest thing I have ever done. I know it was hard for others too.
Rest assured that Midas is in heaven, running around on four legs again and showing God just how beautiful a greyhound is when he runs.
I love you Midas, and I miss you!



IN LOVING MEMORY

HALLO MIDAS MAN
'MIDAS'
NOVEMBER 15, 1998
~
OCTOBER 9, 2006

Midas felt so much better when I went home yesterday. Oh, I was soooooooo happy. You have no idea. He was pretty much his old bouncy, playful self. :) Yay!!!!

He went for some Chemo today, now I'm going to pick him up. They said he did well.

Hopefully, the drugs they gave him today will help retard the development or better yet kill the disease.

*crosses fingers*

I'll keep you posted.

My Boy!!!

As feared, the small tumors in Midas' lungs are bigger...so it appears he has a metastatic cancer. This is not a surprise as this is usually what happens with Bone Cancer patients. It's always just a question of how long.

She said there is no reason for him not to be feeling good, his blood work is normal. They say no one knows why but sometimes the tumors just make you feel icky. Is the same for humans. One of the mysteries they haven't been able to solve.

These small tumors in his lungs aren't impairing his lung function any, they are just there. So we are trying to get him feeling better,and get him eating. He was perkier this morning. Then hopefully tomorrow take him back for a treatment that will halt the progression of the disease for a while.

No one really knows what's going to happen. It's just a day by day thing. Something I knew I'd have to face eventually. We were all just hoping for a few more years. But we'll see. All is not lost as long as he doesn't give up.

I am doing OK. But it's hard right now. I'm sure there are many of you who know exactly what I'm talking about.

oh, well..this to shall pass. Chin up!

Say lots of prayers for Midas today.
I was supposed to take him to the vet on Thursday, July 27, but he's developed a fever and some congestion and he doesn't feel good. So, I'm taking him at 9:30am this morning. We'll see what Dr. Couto has to say. I hope it's just a cold or something easily fixable.

I'll keep y'all posted.
Thanks for all your care and concern.

It's Monday. Bleh.
I need to get my butt in gear and look for a job.

I had a great weekend. I really needed that.

My parents kept Midas for the weekend. He got really depressed. This morning he just doesn't seem to be himself. He didn't wanna walk, he seemed down. I'm just hoping it's depression. Making it through to Thursday is gonna be hard. I don't know if I can wait that long. I'm gonna be a basket case by then. I just wanna know. I hate waiting.

I just hope he perks up later. This is killing me.

I got lots of work to do. Stuff I've been neglecting, just been too depressed to do. But y'all know how that is. right?
I gotta get moving. Gotta keep moving. Bleh.

Here's to a better week for all!!!

I wish for once I had happy stuff to talk about, but when it rains, it pours. Ugh!

I hate to ask anyone for anything. Anyone who knows me well, knows how difficult it is for me. So I ask my mother for one simple favor and I get dumped on. I should have known. She wants me to talk to her, yet she gives me no reason so.

Yes, I know I owe her money that I have yet to pay back since they helped pay my house payment when I didn't have a job. I have some things I need to get worked out still. I never said I am perfect.

Some things in life for me have to change and learning how to save money has to be one of those. But I think first I need to concentrate on finding a job. I'll be out of one in a week and a half or so and although Excel is working on getting me a contract for the beginning of September, I can't just leave it all to them. although, we'll see if Bob comes through.

I just don't know what I want to do anymore. That's the problem. I've been introduced to a very seductive world, one I wish I was a full-time part of. Makes it very difficult to come back to my world.

Things are just tough right now. But I'll make it.

Oh yeh, that thing I was talking about a couple of posts ago. I might as well tell y'all what it was about. When I took Midas for his re-check a couple of weeks ago, they found a small, unidentifiable mass in his lungs. They can't tell me what it is. They told me I had to bring him back in three or four weeks and they will do radiographs again to see if it gets bigger or goes away. They won't know until then. I just have to keep my spirits up in the mean time. Yeh, that's easy in the face of everything else.

No, I haven't told my parents. Nor will I. When I know something for sure, I will, until then, there's no need. I really don't need the grief.

I take Midas back next Thursday, July 27. I suppose I'll be holding my breath until then. I don't think I'm ready for bad news, but I may not have a choice. Although Midas is happy and eating well and he has lots of energy. I suppose I have a little of my mother in me cause I worry about it. I try not to, but I do.

As usual, I have lots of stuff on my shoulders. I'll make it.

Today, I really wanna sit down and cry. More than you could possibly know. Or maybe you do.

I call my parents to ask them to watch the dog for me this weekend, as I am going out of town, and my mom says she'll have to think about it. Fine. No prob.

BUT DON'T CALL ME AT 8:00 AM ON WEDNESDAY MORNING AND TELL ME "THAT'S FINE, THE DOG WON'T BE A PROBLEM, AS LONG AS YOU GET HIM ON SUNDAY, DON'T LET IT RUN INTO MONDAY. OH, AND YOUR PART OF THE PHONE BILL IS DUE, OH AND WE NEED TO WORK OUT A PLAN FOR YOU TO PAY ME BACK THAT MONEY, CAUSE IF YOU CAN GO DO STUFF AND HAVE FUN THEN YOU CAN CERTAINLY PAY ME MY MONEY BACK."

Yeh, that makes for the perfect start to a morning. Especially when you are faced with not having a job in a couple weeks. But you can't tell your parents too much about that cause they don't understand and they will just bug you about it and ask you about it constantly. You knwo how it is.

OK. I guess I've ranted enough for one day. I need to get some work done.

PIRATES of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest...ROCKS!!!!!!!

Woohoo!!!